When the Kids Don’t Come Along Anymore

I don’t even know where to start with this post. I’ve been incredibly blessed to have both homeschooled and worked from home, so my children and I have spent most of their lives together. This season of life, with Alexa almost 18 and working alongside me as she finishes high school, Patrick recently moving to my ex-husband’s, entering perimenopause….I feel like I don’t recognize anything about my life anymore. 

I’ve always taken my children everywhere with me. Bringing them along was just the norm. On Sunday, I went to Chicago to film content solo. Alexa was tired and didn’t feel like making the trip with me. The car was QUIET. No kids fighting, no YouTube videos playing in the background. It was equal parts heartbreaking, and a sense of excitement about what this stage of life brings. 

I miss Patrick terribly, but I firmly believe a young man needs his dad, especially with all of his behavior issues and how long we have been on the wait list to have him evaluated at Riley’s.  I’m grateful Patrick and his dad are reconnecting, but there’s a whole new set of constant worry when I can’t see him 25/8 with my own mama eyes. I’m trying to give them space to find their own way together, but my gosh is it hard to not interfere 🥺 Our household has experienced a lot of chaos the past couple of years while we navigated all of that, so we are focusing on exhaling and finding our new norm.

Alexa is nearly an adult, and it is so hard to believe. It has been super exciting to watch her become part of TLB.  She has big dreams of life in the big city, and I’m so excited for her.  She’s attached to her mama though, so I don’t think she will go too far 😅

My biggest hope and prayer, is always that my children will grow up to be good humans.  That they recognize we have rules and structure because we want them to thrive.  That working hard, being kind, and doing your best is the definition of success.  Above all, I pray they always, ALWAYS love Jesus Christ, and know there are two people always waiting for them with open arms….Jesus and their mama 💗

Mamas, if you’re in this season, I encourage you to join me in recognizing what an exciting season this can also be for us mamas, that grief of the old and joy of the new can coexist. For me, it’s been taking better care of myself. Skin care, more steps, working through trauma, learning who I am as Rachel, and not just a mom, wife, and business owner.  Learning to romanticize the every day moments in life.  It really is true that the little things are actually the big things.

Maybe, one day, sitting in my vehicle in silence with an iced coffee will feel normal…..but I pray it never does.  No matter how old my kids are, I pray they’ll still want to tag along with their mama sometimes 🥺💗

Love you all so big 🫶